Putting that book on my list…

ooooooo, i like that an awful lot.

It wasn’t until I stopped following a method and really listened to the Holy Spirit that things started to work for our family. One of my favorite parenting books is Heartfelt Discipline. I wish I would have found it early because it focuses on building relationships with your children and shepherding their hearts. Too often I fall back into my old parenting ways, but when I take time to really listen to my children, evaluate why they are acting the way they are, and then ask for God’s help it ends up better.

Sometimes it’s not about obedience, but about a real emotional need your child might have and I need to remember it should be connection before correction.

Elizabeth, thank you for your sweet stand on my behalf. I appreciate it!

anger? bwahahahahahahahahahahaha! that’s pretty funny, actually.

*If any of you believe you are the perfect parent and have perfect children to prove it, please tell us your secrets. It would be much more productive than attacking someone else’s methods.*

yes… that’s what we are… perfect. parents. i’ll give you all my secerets in you send a money order for $99.99 WWLindaD P.O. Box 666 Seattle, WA 98111. in the meantime, i’ll just be content in knowing that i don’t feel the least bit badly about calling things like i see them.

If any of you believe you are the perfect parent and have perfect children to prove it, please tell us your secrets. It would be much more productive than attacking someone else’s methods.

Well, Linda, I thought I was pretty clear that though I have benefited from their (Pearls and Ezzoes) resources, I’m not a die-hard follower of either. I said in a recent comment to Corrina, that I’m just a mom who in light-bulb moments takes advice that fits and goes by instinct from there. I think it’s because of the helps I’ve gotten from these sources that my kids are the way they are today. We haven’t “religiously” followed either, but I’ve read the books and used what worked.

I don’t get bent out of shape about the things I disagree with. I’m usually in such a hurry when I read that it’s not worth it. I just filter it out and save my pondering for the things that seem pertinent to my situation.

And I normally do tell the kids to “ask politely” but that wasn’t working with toddler in the days leading up to the “watermelon” incident. When things “aren’t working” by default I pull out a child training book, and in this case, my nine-year old had just been reading “No Greater Joy” (kinda funny after sharing favorite books in my Ad-Libbing Read-Aloud’s post) and shared a story from there that reminded me that the Pearls don’t give in for whining. Even if the child asks politely the second time. So I’m applying a little more pressure at the moment for toddler till we get through this. I’m not taking it as far as cutting a switch from a tree and switching her for each infringement. We haven’t had any problems since the one in this post. Thankfully she just needed a concrete reminder (with a consequence–of not getting the watermelon initially) that whining wasn’t acceptable and that’s been working.

On cheerful compliance, we haven’t “arrived”. My oldest is very good natured and helpful, she always has been. I hand her a basket of clothes to put away and she never fails to thank me, strange, huh. (It’s sincere, btw, not sarcastic!) And I make sure she knows I appreciate it. My middle daughter does pretty good, but her biggie is schoolwork. She drives me crazy because she always acts like she doesn’t want to do school (drags her feet, etc) but once she’s involved she’s loving it. We talk about this, and she’s getting better. She’s a drama queen anyway, and her initial reactions to things are always a bit much. She’s also my questioner and worrywart. She knows she used to always see the glass as “half-empty” but through a lot of encouragement and experience, she’s learned to see it as “half-full”. So she’s coming around as well.

When they were young, we did certain things such as the Pearls and Ezzoes both recommend, in “playing” the “come to mommy” game. You call them, they answer, “Yes, Mommy!” and come running. It probably rubs you the wrong way, you might see it as setting them up for failure, but, to me, it’s an innocent way to reinforce (in a time of NON-conflict) that when mommy calls, they need to come. I’ve always been glad that my toddlers weren’t like some, that intentionally do the opposite of what their parents tell them. If they were about to run in front of a car, or a snake and I told them to stop, their obedience could mean life or death. So I like the role-playing directives with toddlers, in teaching first-time obedience. The “yes mommy” stuff we only required when they were toddlers, and even then not for every single direction. And I haven’t been doing as good a job in this with my 3 year old as I did with my older two, and I can see the difference.

then you’re not really following the pearls then, are you? hee. i think that, for me, i was seeing *ezzo* and *pearls* and just thinking ICK, but it really doesn’t seem like you focus entirely on those methods any way. also, a lot of people are put off my the word *train* as relates to children. i prefer *teach* but i’m not all that caught up in the semantics of it, honestly. what we call *first time minding* here is very important to me, as well. i’m not at all permissive. i’m just not willing to spank the kids. i set up boundaries different ways. if the goal in this scenario was to have the child ask appropriately, i’d have said something like, *ask politely* and left it at that if they complied.

also, about the cheerful thing. how does that work?
G-d knows if you’re *faking it.*