Focus On The Family’s Take on Blogs
Intrigued? I was. It’s at the Focus site and titled: Dangers of Online Blogs. The subtitle reads:
“Like the Internet as a whole, you should be aware of the dangers of online blogs and blogging.”
As you know, I’ve never been comfortable sharing locations, names of my children, or last names on this blog. Recently, my blog came somewhat under attack, even to the point of someone asking me, incredulously, if I’d ever been turned in to the Child Protective Services.
Just be careful, that’s all I’m saying. And go read the article. We’re lulled into thinking that because there’s eighty million blogs out there, no one is interested in our particular world.
Some people come up with adorable blognames for each of their children. Some don’t even share their own real name or location. Take MInTheGap, for instance. He guards his family identity fiercely.
I think I’ll gladly remain Mary, wife to dh, mother of 9 yo, 7 yo and 3 yo, midwest resident.
Thank you very much. If you want to know more, email me. 
Comment by Amy
October 9, 2007 @ 1:43 pm
same here, you just never know who’s reading your blog. As you know my treasures are called dd (dear daughter), ds1 (oldest son), ds2 (youngest son) and dh (dear husband), I think the most I’ve given away about myself is the region and the country I live in.
Comment by Jana
October 9, 2007 @ 3:33 pm
Oh thanks…for FREAKING ME OUT now that I’ve posted my kids (not very ordinary!) names! I think I’ll go edit those out right now!!
Comment by Colleen
October 9, 2007 @ 6:36 pm
Thanks, Mary! I’ve often thought about changing the url of my site too…I’ve been trying to be more discrete in regards to names and such.
…thanks for the lovely card! It was such a nice treat to find in the mail!
Comment by jen
October 9, 2007 @ 8:30 pm
I’ve been trying to be more discrete in regards to names too
“Recently, my blog came somewhat under attack, even to the point of someone asking me, incredulously, if I’d ever been turned in to the Child Protective Services.”
what???
Im so sori this happened to you Mary
Comment by Mary
October 9, 2007 @ 10:18 pm
You are careful, Amy. I did notice in your guest post the other day, that you shared your last name for the first time.
I decided this year not to worry about my last name as much as I had been. Mine couldn’t be more common. But just try googling uncommon names…for instance, if we knew Leticia’s last name and googled it with quotes…we could probably find her address pretty easily online. One of my blogger friends told me their real name, which actually happens to be extremely uncommon and just googling it brought up their family pictures and private stuff I’m sure they wouldn’t want just anyone viewing. I mentioned it to them and they were shocked. So you never know who might just get an insatiable curiosity about you…hm-erm, cough…
Jana, I know you just started your blog, so you probably think I’m picking on you, but I actually wrote this particular post last Friday and just saved it for a busy day…
Colleen, you and Scott both have unique last names, so I understand your qualms. Sometimes I think I’m just being paranoid, but better safe than sorry. Don’t want any former boyfriends seeking a vendetta against you and yours…lol. And I’m glad you got the card, it’s fun to get in touch with reality when all we get is screen-time!
Jen, you always pick up on the details, such a thoughtful lady. Thanks for the written hug. It was hard but all worked together for good.
Comment by Linda
October 10, 2007 @ 2:40 am
i don’t fear CPS because i have nothing to hide. i’m sorry to hear you felt you were unfairly *attacked.* i think you were called out on some unkind *discipline* but whatever and the people you purport to emulate (the pearls) are child abusers even if you aren’t. i’m sorry you’ve been so brainwashed that you can’t see that. anyone can pretend to be religious. it’s our actions that define us.
Comment by Linda
October 10, 2007 @ 2:42 am
oh, and dobson is an idiotic, sexist blowhard who abused his children and his dog. it’s all out there to see if you chose to research it. how seemingly sensible people can support this crappola is beyond me. ugh.
Comment by Mary
October 10, 2007 @ 6:36 am
I don’t fear CPS. But I do know the system is flawed, that in some cases prejudice against homeschoolers has resulted in injustice toward their families.
I can’t help it that you see me as brainwashed. Don’t you think with all the skepticism out there about the Pearls and others that I’d be on my toes when viewing/reading their materials? I may not practice 100% of what they preach, in fact, their doctrine and mine are pretty different, but the more I learn about them, the less critical I get.
I checked out some books by Dr. Sears, thought you’d like to know that.
It’s been a while but they helped me see where you are coming from. I don’t disagree with everything he said, just that he didn’t represent the non-attachment (hate wording it that way, as if we that don’t ‘wear’ our babies, or sleep with them aren’t attached!) families very fairly.
Comment by MInTheGap
October 10, 2007 @ 8:35 am
Linda, that’s a pretty good character assassination. Next time you might try actually documenting your attacks rather than the old “it’s all there if you’d just look.”
Comment by Linda
October 10, 2007 @ 11:35 am
it’s all documented in the pearls’ and dobson’s published works. i don’t have to *assassinate* any characters. they do it themselves. it always cracks me up when people who purport to be familiar with their works pretend they never noticed the most unsavory parts (like dobson and his dog or the pearls hitting an infant with an implement.)
Comment by Mrs. Brigham
October 10, 2007 @ 11:41 am
After reading this article, I do feel a bit bad for being a little more “open” with my family’s information than many are. :o(
Comment by Leticia
October 10, 2007 @ 2:22 pm
I feel the same way. I changed my boys real names to Wolfie and Luner, and hubby is hubby. My location, the United States.
The only thing I don’t lie about is my name. There are a lot of Leticia’s in the U.S.
I had my share of trolls hitting my blog, presumibly gays, who did not like how I spoke about their umm…lifestyle.
Comment by Linda
October 10, 2007 @ 4:31 pm
really? are you a bigot, leticia?
Comment by Amy
October 10, 2007 @ 5:13 pm
oooh nice judgment attack on someone you don’t know Linda - well done! Talk about looking at yourself first wooo hoooo! Mary, you have my support *hugs*
Comment by James
October 10, 2007 @ 8:41 pm
Linda, let me know the book and page number of the Dobson dog incident. I have never read a Dobson book, I rather think I would enjoy learning about this particular incident you’re talking about. Also, feel free to lend the book title and page number of the Pearl incident as well.
It’s so very *unfortunate* that some have to *put down* others on a website to *make* themselves *feel better*.
Mary is correct in fearing CPS. In Germany not too recently, a home schooling family had their child taken away simply because she was home schooled, and had a ’school phobia.’
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/n.....E_ID=54933
In the state I live in, CPS funding is based on the number of children they have in protective custody. This next legislative session, a special committee has been called to investigate unnecessary removal of children to bolster funding of the local CPS office. Any **sane** person would rightly fear this situation being thrust upon their family…
Comment by Gina
October 10, 2007 @ 9:36 pm
This is a tricky subject for a writer trying to make a name for herself. I try not to post any personal info, like family names, where I live, photos that show my kid’s faces, etc. But I do share my heart and wonder at times if that’s too much.
I don’t ever mention my husband’s name and there’s more than one me on the internet! But if you ever think I’m sharing a little too much, I give you permission to let me know!
Comment by Mary
October 10, 2007 @ 10:28 pm
I’m also interested in the book title for the Dobson incident. Interesting. I’m just astounded at how huge the gap is between how certain people see things. Like black and white.
Mrs. Brigham, I wish we could share all the little details with each other. For the most part, we could. It’s a small price to pay to leave off the kids names, or substitute them with new ones though, if it means protecting their safety.
I love your boys’ nicknames, Leticia. I wish I’d thought blognames up initially, for my girls. Maybe I still will. Hmmm.
Linda–connection before correction. I’ve tried to connect with you, and felt we ended things civilly last time. Why do you persist in saying hurtful things to not only me, but my blog friends? I know you are burdened with what you really feel is me falsely misleading others toward child abusers, but verbally attacking is not going to get your point across.
Amy, thanks for dropping in and **hugs** back to you!
James, you said that so well. CPS is a very real concern. I’ve read that article about the Germany family and my heart just hurts for them. Wonderful to know there is a special investigation going on to keep CPS to task. Something to pray about. And, hey, it’s so neat to have you drop by my blog!
Comment by Mary
October 10, 2007 @ 10:31 pm
Gina, as you know I agonized over the whole writer/identity thing for at least a year before letting go of my last name in blogland. You’re right, that really lends a whole new perspective on how much to share and when. I haven’t thought you were sharing too much, but it does us all good to be reminded that all it takes is one local wacko trying to find out more about your family…googling your name and face would bring them awfully close. That is, if they somehow knew your name and face, say at the local fast food restaurant. And in that case, there’s not much you can do to prevent it.
Comment by Linda
October 11, 2007 @ 3:00 am
it isn’t *attacking* just because it’s information you and your ilk don’t want to hear. i thought we ended civilly as well and i’ve been reading your blog since, but i think it’s stupid to say you were *attacked* then or now. you’re posting things in a public place which invites opinions. if exposing the pearls and dobson for what they are is *hurtful* to you, perhaps you need to take a closer look at the filth you are supporting. from what you’ve said, you don’t actually agree with it, yet you lack the conviction to stand up and say it’s wrong. what does that say about you?
Comment by Amy
October 11, 2007 @ 3:21 am
hmm lovely…
it’s one thing to say your opinion Linda, we all have one of those but it’s another to keep going on about it thereby forcing it on others… It would be different if this was your blog but alas it isn’t, happy trails
Comment by MInTheGap
October 11, 2007 @ 7:44 am
There’s a big difference in stating fact with attributions and using emotionally charged words to describe individuals– as I’m sure you’re aware, otherwise you would choose different words.
Words like bigot, sexist, blowhard, all of these, though you may believe they are appropriate, are registered as attacks on character, and it’s ridiculous to expect people sympathetic to their message to accept these labels.
Your inability or lack of desire to substantiate your claims means either one of three things:
1. You’re making it up.
2. Whatever the actual evidence is, you’ve twisted the wording to mean something else (i.e. one person’s corporal punishment is another’s assault and battery).
3. You just are lazy and don’t care that you look foolish.
Regardless, either state clearly what “filth” you say we are supporting or this whole exercise has been futile.
Comment by Linda
October 11, 2007 @ 12:05 pm
oh, the irony of being called *lazy* by someone who can’t even be bothered to enter the words *dobson* and *dog* in to a search engine. or *michael and debi pearl* and *switch* and *infant.* lol.
Dobson: The Strong Willed Child
Michael & Debi Pearl: To Train Up a Child
and where are all these posts by gays on your blog, leticia? they seem to have all gone missing. the only thing there now is posts by you and your fundamentalist pals.
the world would be a better place if you people concentrated on remedying your own sins instead of sitting around feeling superior because you were born heterosexual and feeling righteous because you merely treated someone gay like a human being instead of lynching them.
Comment by MInTheGap
October 11, 2007 @ 12:53 pm
So, it’s a bit of #3 (you are lazy because you want us to do the looking for you) and it’s a bit of #2 (your inflammatory language talks about something that is a difference of opinion).
Dobson: No where in the first account of “dobson dog” does it talk about Dobson abusing his dog. It talks about him wanting him to stay in a specific place in the house. It also talks about him getting a belt to punish the dog for disobedience. Clearly not warranting the strong title of “animal abuser” which implies something more sinister.
Pearls: I read briefly the first results here as well. They talk about spanking children, but I so no evidence of anything criminal, and no instances of child abuse.
Both of your accusations are inflammatory only with no grounds.
Comment by Amy
October 11, 2007 @ 2:02 pm
Linda, you’re hardly getting people to listen to you when you are behaving so unreasonably.
Mary, it might pay to take the comments off here.
Comment by Linda
October 11, 2007 @ 4:17 pm
or in other words MIN, you SUPPORT dog abuse and child abuse. that’s what hitting a dog with belt and an infant with an implement are. i’d worry about my own salvation if i were you. morals like that are bottom~ of~the~barrel sick.
Comment by Mary
October 11, 2007 @ 4:30 pm
Linda, you said:
“it isn’t *attacking* just because it’s information you and your ilk don’t want to hear. i thought we ended civilly as well and i’ve been reading your blog since, but i think it’s stupid to say you were *attacked* then or now. you’re posting things in a public place which invites opinions. if exposing the pearls and dobson for what they are is *hurtful* to you, perhaps you need to take a closer look at the filth you are supporting. from what you’ve said, you don’t actually agree with it, yet you lack the conviction to stand up and say it’s wrong. what does that say about you?”
I definitely “invite opinions”, Linda. That’s why I welcomed you to Home-steeped Hope in the first place and tried to ignore your “attack” (as I saw it and continue to see it) to get to the heart behind it. I thought we agreed to disagree. Maybe such inflammatory speech is nothing unusual in your family and home, as it would be in mine. In fact, if someone came up to me on the street and started yelling the same things at me, I’d be freaked out and worried about my personal safety. If your passion against the Pearls, the Ezzos, and the Dobsons is worth frequenting every blog so choosing to support them, then maybe it’s time to get your own blog platform.
You also said:
“from what you’ve said, you don’t actually agree with it, yet you lack the conviction to stand up and say it’s wrong. what does that say about you?”
It’s not that I don’t agree with “it”. By “it” I assume you’re speaking of “infant beating” which you attribute to the Pearls, which in reality, is ludicrous. Of course no one approves of infant beating, least of all the Pearls. They believe in training children positively so that everyone in the family is happy. They advocate starting young, because then you have a happy, obedient child at the get-go, rather than letting sloppy parenting turn your angels into children no one wants to be around. As far as what I don’t agree with, I don’t really want to get into a doctrinal debate (about the religious differences I have with the Pearls) as you have your own issues with Christianity, such an exercise would be as pointless as this one is becoming. Pointless, because I’m finally seeing that you have no interest in hearing me out, only in proving me wrong.
I’ve said before, that the things I share here on my blog are things that have worked for me and my family. I don’t just pick random things out of a book and tell my readers, “here, go try this.” Some of the things that have had beautiful results for us have originated with these different ministries, and I give them credit for it. Does recommending them mean that I follow their resources to the letter? No. But the things I have tried have been proven worthwhile. I don’t know the Pearls personally. I don’t know you personally. But from what I’ve seen and read of the Pearls they have a big heart for children and for God and family. Here is what I found when I googled the Pearls and infant and switch. It’s an excerpt straight from the To Train Up A Child book in case anyone else wants to check it out. I didn’t find any of it to be alarming.
http://www.gospeltruth.net/children/pearl_tuac.htm
We are definitely coming from opposite sides of the fence. That being the case, I’d like to ask you to reconsider wasting your time here trying to convince us all that these ministries are dangerous. I imagine you have a full life of your own, without adding stress like this to it. I know I do.
The friends that comment on my blog always do so respectfully with tact and grace, even if they disagree. These kind of comments are sincerely welcomed. Any others are not.
Comment by Linda
October 11, 2007 @ 4:47 pm
this doesn’t cause me stress, but if it’s causing you and your buddies stress, well good. maybe somebody needed to point out the evil you refuse to see.
Comment by James
October 11, 2007 @ 6:30 pm
I’m still waiting on a page number Linda…
How pathetic that someone is so willing to level charges against another person but so unwilling to back their claims up. I believe that’s called libel in the legal world.
Linda, I’m praying for God to heal your hate filled heart…
Comment by Linda
October 11, 2007 @ 11:57 pm
yes, i’m so *hate-filled* because i disapprove of abusing animals or people.
it’s *libel* to refer to a person’s published work? on which planet is this?
Comment by MInTheGap
October 12, 2007 @ 7:39 am
For one thing, no state punishes parents for spanking their children. Most states punish those that abuse children. Therefore, spanking is not child abuse.
Most people have some method of training animals as well. Different zoos and circuses train animals and are not punished as animal abusers. Therefore, training an animal is not animal abuse.
Each of these terms that you choose to use have a moral component that you are well aware of– and you choose to use, in part, to get a reaction.
For example, someone who thinks child abuser thinks of those who shake their children, beat them, refuse them touch, etc. With “animal abuser” you think of someone who ties their dog out in the cold, breaks their legs, or is like Michael Vick and causes them to fight one another.
Neither of these is the case with the Pearls or Dobson.
I don’t know what your problem is with kind people that desire to raise their children to be good citizens, to honor God and country, and to give back to their community. But what I do know is that if you look at what Mary is doing with her children, if you look at Dobson’s children and the Pearl’s children you will find well adjusted children that have compassion for others and want to do good.
Comment by James
October 12, 2007 @ 12:33 pm
No Linda, you are hate filled because you clearly hate anyone who disagrees with you that Dobson and the Pearls are not animal and child abusers. It is your attitude toward others that makes you hate filled.
Still waiting on the page numbers…that is if you have them…which I know now that you don’t.
Comment by Mary
October 12, 2007 @ 1:55 pm
The only thing I hate is how this has turned into such a hurtful string of comments. The only thing left is to just agree to disagree.
Thanks so much, everyone, for your kind comments and show of support. Let’s move on to other topics, shall we?