Poem for Parents Who Have Lost a Child
Before I was born, my parents lost a son. At six years of age, David was hit by a car, never to regain consciousness. As a child, I was fascinated by the many details…subsequently, all my life, I’ve known that life is precious. Children do die.
With my 7 year old daughter’s various health trials this year, especially her four day fight with fevers above 103 degrees, I’ve found myself dwelling a bit more on the unutterable pain of what it must be to outlive your child. Especially when their suffering is involved, suffering you can do nothing to ease. I realize I’ve encountered nothing new, nothing earth-shattering, compared to some of you who have lost a child, whether to miscarriage or a horrible accident or disease. And I’m not promoting thoughts of doom and gloom, merely suggesting that we appreciate the time we have with these precious ones, and in the meantime, pray God draws us close in the best ways possible to prepare us for whatever our future, and that of our children, holds. Without a flight plan, the turbulence of life could easily toss us into storms that break us to pieces.
I’ll Lend For You
“I’ll lend you, for a little while, a child of mine,”He said
“For you to love while he lives and mourn when he is dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three, but will you
till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you and shall his stay be brief,
you’ll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, as all from earth return
but there are lessons taught down there that I want this child to learn.
I’ve looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true,
and from the throngs that crown life’s lanes, I have selected YOU.
Now will you give him all your love not think the labor vain
nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again.”
I fancied that I heard them say “Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joys thy child will bring The risk of grief we’ll run.
We will shelter him with tenderness, We’ll love him while we may—
And for the happiness we’ve known Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him Much sooner than we’ve planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes And try to understand.”
Written By: Edgar A. Guest
Did you read this through tears, as I did? Then go hold your children close and thank God for all your blessings.
Sometimes we take the best things in life for granted.
Comment by Mary's Mom
February 27, 2008 @ 2:12 pm
Someone once said, ‘If you hold your child with open hands, trusting God, it doesn’t hurt as much when God chooses to take them home.’ God can be trusted…oh, can He! We have wonderful memories of our little David even though he lived but 6 years. In a sense, the ‘accident’ was no accident at all. God allowed it and promised grace to get through it…and that grace was unspeakable! Thanks, Mary. Love that poem and your thoughts.
Comment by Aunt Ruth
February 27, 2008 @ 2:40 pm
And a week later my only child, a son, was born. It’s been 41 1/2 years ago. The Lord Gives, The Lord Takes Away.
Comment by Mary
February 27, 2008 @ 8:19 pm
Mom, you and Dad and how you handled it has been a testimony to sooo many people. I’ve no doubt that it wasn’t an “accident” as you put it. I wish I could have known David, but will look forward to meeting him one day in Heaven.
Aunt Ruth, I don’t think I ever made that connection, I’m sure mom probably mentioned it at some point, but my recall isn’t what it should be! That has been a long time ago…hard not to think “what if”?
Comment by Geri
February 28, 2008 @ 1:09 am
I read this through tears…luckily just before I logged on here, Kyle was tossing and turning in my bed so I went to get him (just in time…little tyke was sitting in his sleep!)so I was holding him through this.
Mary and Mary’s Mother-I am so sorry for your loss. Thankfully, the Lord heals and shelters us through the storms of Life.
Comment by MInTheGap
February 28, 2008 @ 11:27 am
It’s never easy to lose someone, regardless of how old or young. Yet it’s comforting to know that even when a sparrow falls we know that He knows.
Thanks for the poem Mary– for it far outreaches just those that have lost young children (we lost twins only 2 months in-utero), but also covers those that have lost older ones as well.
MInTheGap’s last blog post..Love Your Body
Comment by Mary
February 28, 2008 @ 3:50 pm
Thank you, Geri, I know that came from your heart and it means a lot.
MIn, I was thinking of you and Virtuous Blond, as well as several other friends when I mentioned miscarriages above. I can only imagine how hard it must be, to wonder why, and all the “what if’s”. I’m glad you’ve drawn closer to the Lord for it.
Comment by Lydia
February 28, 2008 @ 11:18 pm
My older brother, Stuart, was hit and killed by a car when he was 13 years old. I was only 3 but remember much of it. My father held Stuart in his arms as he died. My mother always said that she didn’t know how people got through the death of a child without knowing the Lord. She said if it hadn’t have been for her relationship with God, she would have climbed in the casket with him. I can’t imagine losing a child. I have 2 daughters. My youngest daughter, who is almost 7 months old, is getting ready to have surgery this Tuesday. She has a cyst on her bile duct which must be removed. I have to say that I have also faced the same thoughts that you have been facing lately. And, like you, I have a strong example through parents that have been through it and handled it with the utmost grace and faith. I know that my daughter has a good surgeon, and I know that she is in the hands of the Great Physician. I guess it’s always still in the back of my mind though, just as it is yours. My mother has this poem crosstitched in a frame on her wall. It always touches me when I read it. I thank God so much for giving me two beautiful children.
Comment by Mary
February 29, 2008 @ 12:11 pm
Oh Lydia, your post brought tears to my eyes…of course you’ve been pondering such thoughts, my 7 year old is getting ready for surgery also, for cysts in her foot. Surgery can seem to be such a scary thing, I’m so thankful for God’s presence and am praying for His wisdom as we try to get our daughter ready for her hospital experience. She’s very afraid.
My heart goes out to you and your precious 7 month old baby…I promise to be praying for you…please let me know next week how it all went.
((Hugs))
Comment by Lydia
March 1, 2008 @ 10:43 pm
I’ll let you know how it went, but I am not sure if it will be next week. The doctor said she would probably be in the hospital for 5 to 7 days, so I will be staying with her there. I’ll let you know as soon as we get home though. Thank you for your prayers! I will be praying for you and your daughter as well. ((hugs))
Comment by Mary
March 2, 2008 @ 4:40 pm
I understand…will be praying on Tuesday anyway, and thereafter till we hear from you! Thank you for praying for us!
Comment by Lydia
March 6, 2008 @ 9:21 pm
Well, as we already know, God is awesome. It’s just wonderful to see Him prove it over and over. We went to the hospital expecting a 5-7 night stay. We got home last night at 11:30. She only had to stay one night. (Imagine how overpacked we were!) lol
It turns out, the cyst was not where the surgeon thought it was. He thought it was a bulge on the main bile duct, which would have meant removing it and pulling a loop of the small intestine up and connecting it. It turns out, when he got her in surgery, the cyst was just a branch off of the smaller bile duct leading from the main one to the gallbladder. All he had to do was remove this smaller duct. A surgery we were expecting to last 4 hours lasted an hour and a half. This was the best case scenario discussed at the pre-op visit in his office, but he really thought it was the worst case scenario. It’s good it wasn’t because that surgery can lead to complications later down the road. The worst thing about this one is that she is without a gallbladder now, which, with our family history is not such a bad thing for her. She probably would have had to have it removed sooner or later.
She made it through the surgery just fine, and by last night was back to her old self and using only Motrin and Tylenol for the pain. When she started eating and did fine, he told us to go home. We gladly obliged. :o)
It was also a blessing to have a Christian surgeon. David ( who is soundly sleeping on the couch right now after a night in uncomfortable hospital recliners) asked the surgeon if we could pray with him before the surgery. The surgeon said absolutely, and that that was going to be his next question to us. He always offers to pray for his patients before surgery. Although, he did say David was the first to ask him. I guess he never operated on a Baptist preacher’s kid before. :o) Anyway, we bowed our head and David was all ready to pray, and the surgeon jumped right in before David had a chance and just started praying. Now, of course, we can’t judge his heart, but judging from his prayer, his demeanor, and the fact that he was willing to offer made us pretty sure we were dealing with a Christian man. That made us feel better about handing our daughter over to him of course. A physician who looks to the Great Physician for guidance is my kind of doctor. :o)
Anyway, God definitely answered prayers. Kayleah is just fine, better than expected and is back to her old self. She is even flipping over onto her belly, which makes me wince and cringe but doesn’t seem to bother her. lol Thank you for all your prayers and concerns!
Comment by Mary
March 7, 2008 @ 8:52 am
Praise God, Lydia, I was praying for you Tuesday, and again yesterday, wondering how it all went! I share your JOY that it was the least of what it could have been…whew! And how awesome that God put you all in the hands of a caring, Christian surgeon! That is an extra blessing and comfort!
Thanks for the update!
Comment by Carol
April 8, 2008 @ 3:16 pm
My only son was killed in a home accident in July 2008. He was only 22 yrs old. Although it has been horrible, people say I am “handling it well” What is well? I trust in the Lord and have never been angry at anyone for this. It doesn’t change my grief, but you have to trust God with this. Your poem is so touching and true, I am going to copy it and hang it up with his picture. God Bless you.
Comment by Mary
April 8, 2008 @ 10:33 pm
Oh Carol. My heart goes out to you…so recent a loss, and your only child. Thank you for sharing that grief is part of the process, even when trusting in God’s sovereignty. We never know what the future holds, do we? Just keep leaning on Him. You’re in my prayers.
(((hugs)))
P.S. Have you ever read Don Piper’s book, “Ninety Minutes in Heaven”? A friend just loaned it to me, and though at first I was skeptical about it being “for real”, now I’m just in awe about Heaven and all we have to look forward to. Don Piper said that the Christians in his life that had been his biggest influencers met him at the gates…his grandparents, etc. What a vision of gladness that gives me…to know that if I lost a child, loved ones would be right there to pick up where I had to let go and love them right into Heaven. Here is the link to Don’s book: http://www.90minutesinheaven.com/