Toddlers in the Master Bedroom, Q&A

In response to a letter from a friend questioning my comment here once that we still shared our room with our toddler: Breakfast in Bed

Do they ever sleep with you?

We’ve never let our babies/toddlers sleep with us in our bed, only on certain occasions when they were really sick and I was getting up and down and up and down, etc, with them anyway. Dh was always concerned even those few times would mean they’d forever expect to be in our bed, but my toddler would ask a couple times, “Sleep in your bed, Mommy?” and I’d say “no, it’s the middle of the night, go back to sleep” (this always happened one or two nights after she was sufficiently well to sleep on her own again!) and she’d grump just a bit but drift back off to sleep. In her OWN bed! Lol.

Was it hard transitioning them to their own room after they’d shared a room with you?

I think my answer to the first question is why it wasn’t a big deal with any of ours to move them out of our room. For my oldest, she really didn’t care at one year old that we weren’t around anymore. We’d always gone to bed after her, and gotten up before her, so she didn’t miss our “presence”. My second (middle) child was closer to 15 months when we moved her into oldest’s room on a mattress on the floor. Oldest didn’t want to give up her youth bed yet, and we hadn’t yet built the bunk beds. For my middle child the transition was exciting–to be in big sister’s room! They never shared a bed either. To get them to go to sleep, I did resort to letting them listen to one tape/CD of Christian music or stories. They take turns, one night one of them gets to choose, the next the other one gets her pick. (Oldest always picks Ray Boltz, youngest Rebecca St. James)

On transitioning from a crib to bed:

I had a friend (older wiser mom) tell me when I first transitioned my oldest out of a crib to a toddler bed, to not allow ANY getting out of bed unless she called me and asked permission. This sounds harsh, but it’s amazing! It worked great for both my older girls. I just had a serious talk with them about how they weren’t to get out of bed AT ALL unless they called me in and asked first, and it had to be for a good reason. This kept them in bed at naptime (I also had a monitor in their room till toddler was born and I needed it in the other bedroom!) and at bedtime. Plus, they learned to tell time at a VERY young age. I told my oldest when the clock hands had gone around two times (for a long time they took 2 hr naps, w/o complaint–again listening to books on tape from library, or music) she could get up. Before I knew it, she was saying, “Okay, I can get up when it’s 2 o’clock? Or 3:30?” (at 3 years old that’s pretty cool. I can’t imagine my toddler now being able to do the same thing!)

Of course, my second child needed a couple spankings to get it into her head that she had to stay in bed during naptime (mom meant business) unless of course she had to use the bathroom. They’d always call “Mommmy, I need you…” anyway…that’s how it worked for us.

Lastly, what about romance?

There’s no lack of it at our house. For one thing, romance doesn’t always have to take place in the bedroom…

Any other questions?

15 thoughts on “Toddlers in the Master Bedroom, Q&A”

  1. Hmmm…’older, wiser, mom’ I’d like to talk with her someday!! πŸ˜‰ Great post…maybe you should go into more of what takes place after those three little dots for those of us that are having a hard time remembering?! LOL

  2. Since my hubby works 3rd shift, I don’t mind at all if my little ones crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night. I remember the comfort I felt doing that with my own mom (single parent)especially after suffering a nightmare.

  3. Deborah, you’re hilarious…thanks for stopping by and giving me a laugh tonight!

    Thanks, Jen!

    Each to his own, Leticia…if my older girls are sick or scared, I usually crawl in with them, not vice versa. I can see why it wouldn’t be a big deal for you though, with your hubby working. How are you adjusting to all the new hours btw?

  4. Sounds like you have a good system down, and you children have adjusted very well to the way your home is set up. I think I was always fearful of having my kids in bed because of the possible expectation of being there consistently. You see, my little sister (8 years younger) slept with me for YEARS. LOL, I didn’t want to take any chances with the tots.

  5. I am guilty of every transgression in this area.
    Sleeping with my youngest until this day – and not willing to part from him, so shoot me now :)
    But seriously, we have another problem, my husband’s snoring is such that it is not possible to share bedroom with the man – I cannot. Which does not mean the lack of romance ;), just separate bedrooms – until he gets this problem fixed somehow.

  6. Hey, who said anything about transgressions? *wink* I was just sharing what worked for us. I’m sure you all raised your eyebrows thinking that my toddler still shares a room with us, and is still in a crib at close to three years old! I just know that when I move her in with her big sisters, a brighter toy-filled environment, she’ll probably give up “sleeping” naps and her bedtimes will be pushed back. Not ready for that yet!

    Hm. You’ve gotta find a way back in bed with your dh. πŸ˜‰ Have you checked out this site: http://www.putanendtosnoring.com/pills.htm

    I understand, Georgiana, that’s why I’ve always been super careful of not starting the bed-sharing habit with my kids. I do love cuddling with them though. :)

  7. I am doing pretty well. But working til six has taken its toll for sure. I did ask her if I couldn’t only work two days until six and not three, so she agreed to give Wednesdays! Whew! I was tired. Thanks for asking!

  8. That is hard, especially since the time change…I can’t believe it when it’s still light outside and I see it’s 7 o’clock…before I know it, it’s 10 P.M and my evening is gone. My heart goes out to you, and I’m glad your boss is working with you on this. You must be a keeper! (Course you are!)

  9. Stubborn man… :) I totally understand. I’m a wimp if I don’t get decent sleep at night. At least you guys sound like you’ve learned to work around it!

  10. It’s amazing to me how often this topic surfaces in our MOPS discussions; it’s a big deal with the young moms. Our approach has been more similar to yours, but not thoughtfully: my hero has just never allowed the kids in bed with us. My typical response to the young moms, and I don’t mean to be unsympathetic, is, “bed is a place for naked adults”.

    Will your daughter think I am using bad words? lol

  11. Lol, no! Thanks for the laugh though…and I love your response to the young moms! I’m sure they’re husbands would agree…

  12. our 2.5 year old sleeps with us. he’s pretty malleable though. once he’s out, we can move him to another room or to the floor (on a pad.) the older kids never co-slept. they were better sleepers all around, honestly. i was kind of smug about in honestly, thinking i had something to do with it. now i believe it’s more the luck of the draw.

  13. Now that I have three, the personality thing is sooo evident! Each child is so unique. I find it interesting that training methods, though never a “one size fits all”, can work pretty much the same with each child, allowing for minor adjustments.

    Their uniqueness keeps it interesting!

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