The Civilizing of Young Children

I checked in at Beck’s yesterday and was treated to a great post, as always, entitled, Bad Mother. Beck reprimanded her daughter with a “Shame on you” in front of […]

I checked in at Beck’s yesterday and was treated to a great post, as always, entitled, Bad Mother.

Beck reprimanded her daughter with a “Shame on you” in front of a guest whom she describes as a “certain Baby Boomer relative”. Anyway, I took this little gem of Beck’s and wanted to share it with you here:

The civilizing process demands that we learn to behave appropriately regardless of however much we may feel like smacking our younger brother in the head with a book for singing too loudly (just to use a “random” example.). Shame might not be a popular emotion, but it’s a necessary one and the appropriate response for letting our feelings overwhelm us and spill over into hurting another person.

The snippet above precedes a riotous and on-spot review of Corinne Maier’s book: No Kid. Apparantly this author wishes she’d never had kids, because of the huge disappointment they’ve become in her life. Sad stuff, people.

Jaunt on over to Beck’s and read the rest, it’s worth it. There are some insightful goodies in the comments as well.

6 replies on “The Civilizing of Young Children”

Very interesting book Beck discusses. Such a sad testimony of our day. Poor kids.
I was recently reading the many comments under your recent post, ‘Focus on the Family’s Take on Blogs.’ It has made me reevaluate our parenting method (though I’m not sure we really have one yet). I am wondering, Mary, if you are familiar with Shepherding a Child’s Heart? If so what do you think of it?

Hi Amy, you’ve got to know I’m smiling (tongue-in-cheek) over your reevaluating your thoughts on parenting after reading those comments. 🙂

You know, I have yet to get my hands on a copy of Ted Tripp’s book, but I’ve heard wonderful things about it. Our ladies group at church even watched a DVD series covering it a while ago. I missed out and since then meant to check it out of the church library. I’d think it would be an excellent resource for getting to the heart of your child. Especially when you take Luke 6:45, “The good man, out of the good treasures of his heart, brings forth what is good…” and likewise for the evil man. That whole concept reminds me of a lot of what Gary Smalley and John Trent talk about in keeping the heart relationships open, and even Michael and Debi Pearl talk a lot about “tying heartstrings” with your children.

Thanks for bringing that book up, I needed the reminder…maybe I’ll snag it at church tomorrow! 🙂

I’m curious, what all have you tried on this parenting journey?


I’m not sure who said it, but I think it may have been Dr. Laura–that as a society we have lost our ability to feel shame. That’s why so many people run around shaming themselves, and NOT EVEN KNOWING IT. Interesting thoughts!

Ooh, Georgiana, great addition to this topic. We’ve lost our ability to feel shame, so why should we make anyone else feel ashamed for their choices, much less our own children? Yep, sounds like the pro-tolerance, no absolutes society we live in…

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